(no subject)

I'm starting to re-examine one of my other assumptions in my moral code. That being, that if you tell a lie, you can live with yourself as long as it's so ridiculously transparent that anyone who believes it is obviously just playing along. I figured this was how it worked when any husband gave any wife any excuse for going to the nudie bar. And it's no doubt the motivation behind the polite answers to "what do you like in a member of the opposite sex?"

It also implies that all that new age stuff they do in Sedona is all kosher, because everyone knows that the shamans aren't even one-eighth Native American, that there's no such thing as a vortex, and so forth. So if someone wants to charge thousands of dollars to communicate telepathically with the ghosts of dinosaurs, and someone pays them, then they're all playing a harmless game.

Change the city to Las Vegas, and change dinosaur seance to Blackjack.

Mortgage crisis? Blame the people who bought houses they couldn't afford.

But I learned today that President Bush has no intention of retiring to his Crawford "ranch", and in fact only bought it in 1999, and I was genuinely, if mildly, surprised. I knew the Texas thing was an act; I think on some level everyone did. But nobody ever questioned the Crawford thing, even if some of us made fun of the brush-clearing.

Last Spring I had a crush on someone. I hadn't had a real date in a long time, so I thought to myself, and told my trusted friends, that all I wanted was to invite her to my apartment to watch some DVDs. She's just a friend; she's made it ultra-clear to me, so it's not like I'm expecting anything. I'll admit, it might help my confidence a little bit if the evening went well, without any major faux pas, then I'll be able to invite a woman over for a real date someday. And if she happens to come over on a day when I'm cooking something really impressive, well, that's just being friendly. And she doesn't need to know that this evening perfectly matches the template under which I got into a woman's pants for the first time. But, to prove my intentions are pure, I'll sit on the couch and she can pick whether to join me on the big fluffy EKTORP couch or sit on the more-comfy-than-it-looks POÄNG armchair. That's the ticket.

So I invited, and she declined. And I think I now realize why I feared rejection. Being turned down doesn't mean that she didn't like me the whole time, and I just discovered the truth. Rather, it meant that she lost respect for me. She didn't call me out on it privately, but information wants to be free, and we had friends in common, who I noticed lost respect for me.

The one who lies always bears the moral fault. People shouldn't lie.

I suppose if I were truly an honest person, the next time I'm talking to a woman and notice my IQ start to drop, I should tell her immediately that my IQ has started to drop. And if it doesn't pass, then I should tell her that she's too pick-an-adjective for me to be just friends with, and that if I've failed to make her feel the same way about me by that point, then I never will, because I'm now tainted with intent.

(no subject)

OK; so tonight there's a couple of meetups I'm going to.

I have two major worries:

First, is my inability to listen. Got to remember to listen, without my remembering to listen interfering with my listening. Must not zone out, no matter how boring or depressing the conversation is... practically everyone I know has been telling me constantly that I tune out, and that I send a bad message by tuning out, and I need to practice not doing that.

Second, in the unlikely event that I form an infatuation, is that I might stop acting like a human being in ways I don't really know how to prevent.

I really really want to stay home. And I have plenty of excuses. The meetups are in central Phoenix, which is hard for me transportation-wise. And Battlestar Galactica resumes new episodes tonight. But if I stay home, I'll miss out on anything I might learn, even though people have told me I never learn.

I'll post results here. And I'll post them publicly. Because I used to have a dudes-and-kibologists-only friends list that I used to limit all my angsting to. That way, local women would think I never angst. That's more bullshit by omission. And angsting is the whole point of livejournal anyway.

big bike day

It might help me through the day if I just concentrate on the massive amount of bicycling I'm doing today.

Home to work: 6 miles.

Work to Fuddruckers: half hour bus ride west, followed by 2.5 miles north to Highland.

Fuddruckers to George and Dragon: 2.5 miles.

George and Dragon to home: light rail trip followed by 2.5 miles on the bike.

I should probably find somewhere on the way to Fuddruckers to buy an extra T-shirt just so I can freshen up a bit. I brought a change of clothes for work, I'm leaving a set of clothes here over the long weekend; I shan't bring them home until Obama is President.

I couldn't find my ear warmers, so instead of a helmet I'm wearing a ridiculous looking winter hat to keep my head warm in all the wind.

(no subject)

I mentioned in a previous post that I'm going to Fuddrucker's tonight, and then to George and Dragon, because there are atheist meetups going on. It's in central Phoenix and thus hard as hell to get to, but I figured it's my duty to force myself out of the house. Except, I've been doing that forever, and it hasn't been working. So i think I'll just stay in tonight, and look for something more convenient. If I'm going to bust my ass to get somewhere, I want to be genuinely excited about being there.

Besides which, I'll see most of these people on inauguration day anyway. Maybe my head will be more clear, and the group will be in a better mood as well.

There's plenty of more convenient opportunities to socialize over the long weekend. There's swing dancing just two miles south of me, there's Rocky Horror in Chandler which I can get to/from by cab if necessary. And then there's the Star Trek exhibit at Arizona Science Center, which will no doubt get me feeling better about Phoenix Comicon next weekend. Or, I can do none of that. I could spend all three days playing Tetris.

After all, as far as I know, jecook never forces himself to go to stuff just to get out. And nobody has a problem with him.

(no subject)

Who here actually plays World of Warcraft, and on what realm?

I'm on Draenor with a fudgeton of Alliance alts, top one's at level 28. That's where all the kibology people are.

I'm also on Perenolde with one Horde character, because that's where jecook is. But we haven't been able to sync up our playing, and I don't know anyone else there. I joined some random guild that was giving away gold for joining.

I don't know all the acronyms yet, and I'm fascinated with all the stuff you guys are probably long since bored with. Like, I finally got a character with professions that complement each other, so I'm all mining and engineering all over the place.

(no subject)

I'm home, hear that folks? Home. Anxiety can go suck my balls, because I've got Galactica and a twelve-pack of Coke Zero, a Warcraft character to grind, and enough else to do the rest of the weekend.