unbibium

not sure if sick or just severely depressed or just groggy from a nap that I took because I got up too early

isn't it great how SSRIs take a month to actually improve your mood, but they cause sexual dysfunction immediately?

I think this stuff is affecting my ability to sleep, even though I'm taking another thing after supper that's supposed to make sleep possible...

i don't think I can keep trying it. I also don't think I can just cut them in half, because they're in time-release capsules.

so, I did a little laundry and went to bed, thinking I was sobering up a little and was ready to go to bed.

then at 2:00am I woke up and my stomach was clearly having some trouble. yadda yadda yadda, I think I'll live now, but I apparently have a lot to learn.

I''m a bit more mobile now. Thanks again to tamtrible for being around to help out.

I've got a cane so I can hobble around the house a little faster, but I might not need it to walk to work tomorrow.

I feel like my momentum has been interrupted.

frying chicken is paradoxically cleansing for both the soul and the kitchen. I have to clear so much space to do it that when I'm done all my counters have empty space on them.

I think though my problem may be beyond depression. I must have some sort of fungus in my brain.

Now to work up the courage to make a doctor's appointment and take time off work.

well it'll only be an hour off but will my insurance go crazy?

meh, well, need to make sure if there is a physical cause, I fix that instead.

once the hardware is good, it'll be easier to fix the software.

also I just threw up.

OK, so my medication was increased, and I think it's affecting me weirdly.

I'm treating two things: depression and ADHD.

For the ADHD I take two Ritalin-based things: Metadate in the morning, and Methylphenidate in the evening. The evening dose is to prevent me from crashing when the morning stuff wears off.

For the depression I take Luvox. I used to take 150mg a night. Now I'm adding to that 100mg in the morning.

Now I'm tired all the time.

Except I wonder if it's even the drugs, maybe I'm sick in some other way.

So I'm printing out some nearby doctors' addresses. It occurs to me that my printer is unplugged, and I need to find paper, and there's no guarantee there's ink in there...

had a tooth out yesterday. the last of my three wisdom teeth.

my mom stopped by to help me get to the pharmacy and also get me some soft food. except 90% of it was pudding and gelatin snacks.

tamtrible stopped by and talked me into doing more shopping, and also taught me that if you slice up apples, cover them in brown sugar and microwave them, it's delicious. It was a good visit. I may have gotten her hooked on Demetri Martin's show.

I've spent most of the day today drifting in and out of consciousness. I'm not really in any pain, though. My teeth ache a little when I bite down, but that's about it. But I'm just tired and unmotivated, and a little worried that if I exert myself, I'll aggravate something and cause some post-operative complication. But I think that, just to combat cabin fever, I may go to the bike shop and pick my bike up from its tune-up.

The diagnosis: muscle spasms. I didn't know I had muscles there.

I'm walking to the CVS. I'll take the bus back.

I suppose that now that I'm in my 30s, I should start getting used to random bodily failures.

I think for a while I'll put a hiatus on whining about anything that isn't causing me to literally double over in pain.