I still haven't found one yet. Nearest solution I have found is to learn what they are not interested in, and try to avoid those subjects. There is also the art of switching subjects when people are not interested in the current subject, but that is hard to do when its a subject you have a lot you want to say about it.
If this is about some of your low comment posts, just because people don't comment doesn't mean they don't read it.
In my example, it was "Maybe they don't want to listen to this radio show because it's a podcast. But it's playing live in their city! But not today, so I better warn him." So that's not just one detail, but TWO that I'm giving to someone who's already disinterested.
I also have vivid memories of rambling on and on and on to atillathehung about, of all things, Homestar Runner. Ideally, Homestar Runner fandom should be expressed solely by the wearing of T-shirts and the occasional blogging of links to cartoons. Hardcore otaku might make a Halloween costume or update the HRwiki. Yet here I was, with three beers in me, talking to a guy with a wife, friends, a band, a full-time job, fulfilling hobbies, and enough social skills not only to hold onto it, but to get it all back if he should ever lose it all. And some retarded part of my brain thinks that this guy would not only have any use whatsoever for a silly web cartoon that's full of inside jokes, but also be receptive to me explaining some of the jokes that he's never seen. And I've had jokes from things I haven't seen explained to me. It's never worked. But here I was, blabbing about how Strong Bad flips people off through his boxing glove. Whatever would I hope to gain from that?
That's probably why I post so much on LJ. I have about thirty people on my friends list. If two of them are interested enough to comment, big win for me.
Man... I don't know, I think stuff like that is pretty forgiveable. So long as you're not constantly in monologue mode. The problem, I guess, with working out when you're boring people is that you have to do it multiple times before you figure out that's what's happening (I assume?). With above example, though, I'd say send the man the link and drop the subject. I am somewhat amazed that he'd never heard of it, though.
IM doesn't have many "disinterested" cues tho. There is the attempting to change the subject or the no reply (and the no reply can mean several other things like they just got distracted on their end).
One thing that I noticed in conversation with you, when Sarah, atillathehung, (some guy who's name I can't recall) and me...
I think a huge part of your missing conversational queues is that you can't read people's faces and thus cannot see the signs people exhibit. This goes only for 'in-person' conversations.
as far as AIM conversations, try listening more and asking that other person more about themselves.
Damn, I was going to be all clever and say, "Yes. Listening."
I suppose you could think to yourself, "If the people I'm talking to were talking about toe jam this much, would *I* be interested?"
Also, pause.
Also, also, ask questions. Even yes or no questions. In fact, if you ask yes or no questions, and all you get is a yes or no, you should probably shut up.
The sad thing is, I've been in the position of having to listen to someone drone on about something I don't care about, and I don't know how to get them to stop either.
And yet I do the same thing to other people. It's reprehensible.
Are you just not picking up on cues and having conversations go on too long, or are you droning wihtout letting anyone else talk? I think the latter is a little easier to fix, because it requires just self-awareness and training yourself to, say, stop after three sentences rather than trying to pick up on body language when you simply have trouble doing so.
It's more like, I hesitate to accept that the conversation is going a different place than where I'm steering it.
It's a legitimate fear, because the two most common things men talk about are cars and sports -- two topics which I am not only disinterested, but completely ignorant. I might as well be alone, if that topic comes up.
The trouble with trying to control a conversation is that it also results in insincere listening.
I tend to excessively fanboy the comic/mp3/movie I'm looping on at the moment. I'm probably channeling some proselytizing believer. No cure so far, but I found that catching oneself mid-explanation, facepalming and apologizing in an adorable manner helps to make up for teh b0ring.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:23 pm (UTC)If this is about some of your low comment posts, just because people don't comment doesn't mean they don't read it.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:29 pm (UTC)IM conversations are gonna be a little trickier, obviously, but there are still cues there.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:55 pm (UTC)I also have vivid memories of rambling on and on and on to
That's probably why I post so much on LJ. I have about thirty people on my friends list. If two of them are interested enough to comment, big win for me.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 07:26 pm (UTC)With above example, though, I'd say send the man the link and drop the subject. I am somewhat amazed that he'd never heard of it, though.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 03:40 am (UTC)Although, it's probably more polite to be blunt like that when someone isn't catching the hints, than to let them keep going on and on pointlessly.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 07:38 pm (UTC)One thing that I noticed in conversation with you, when Sarah,
I think a huge part of your missing conversational queues is that you can't read people's faces and thus cannot see the signs people exhibit. This goes only for 'in-person' conversations.
as far as AIM conversations, try listening more and asking that other person more about themselves.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 09:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:11 pm (UTC)I suppose you could think to yourself, "If the people I'm talking to were talking about toe jam this much, would *I* be interested?"
Also, pause.
Also, also, ask questions. Even yes or no questions. In fact, if you ask yes or no questions, and all you get is a yes or no, you should probably shut up.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:18 pm (UTC)And yet I do the same thing to other people. It's reprehensible.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:27 pm (UTC)I think that's way too strong.
Are you just not picking up on cues and having conversations go on too long, or are you droning wihtout letting anyone else talk? I think the latter is a little easier to fix, because it requires just self-awareness and training yourself to, say, stop after three sentences rather than trying to pick up on body language when you simply have trouble doing so.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 10:13 pm (UTC)It's a legitimate fear, because the two most common things men talk about are cars and sports -- two topics which I am not only disinterested, but completely ignorant. I might as well be alone, if that topic comes up.
The trouble with trying to control a conversation is that it also results in insincere listening.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-03 08:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:06 am (UTC)One thing they could do is subtly change the subject.