(no subject)

[unbibium]

Sometimes I think I'm an insensitive prick, but then ladder theory gets re-run on Fark and I remember what real insensitive pricks look like.

In summary, ladder theory is basically a sophisticated rant-whine about how if you're a woman's friend, you'll never get to bone her. It's pretty much a combination between a hack stand-up act and TimeCube.

If there's anyone under 20 reading this, I'd like to point out that by the time you're my age, you'll probably encounter many couples who were friends first, and then things turned romantic in some inexplicable, irreproducible way. This completely shatters ladder theory, to the point where no further criticism is necessary.

The way I can explain that is, during that moment when a man realizes he's not in a woman's immediate romantic interests, he might stop being a gentleman. This can manifest itself a number of ways:

1. "Just friends? Sorry, I just wanted to lay you. Bye!"
2. "Just friends? Good timing; I've been holding in this fart all morning."
3. "Just friends? What's wrong with me? I can fix it, I swear!"
4. "Just friends? Eh, that's OK, I can confide in you with all my problems now. Sit down, this'll take a few years."
5. "Just friends? That's cool. Do you have any cute friends you can hook me up with?"

How many ways can you think of, to turn "not right now" into "not in a million years"?

The point being, maybe we burn our own bridges. Bridges are a better metaphor, anyway. If you like ladders, go play Donkey Kong.

Comments

[lots42.livejournal.com]

The way I look at it, if you're really just friends with a woman (it happens!) then heck, at least you're hanging out with a sexy lady. Better then moping from the metaphorical side lines.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

Exactly my point. My post was about people who think it does.

[pootrootbeer.livejournal.com]

Mos'definitely.

If I have a friend I'd like to bone, and she wouldn't like to bone me, it doesn't mean she is rejecting or would reject me in every other way too.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

True dat. Real friends are hard to come by; I pity the fool who throws one away just because she's female and won't date him.

hahaonlyserious

[underwhelm.livejournal.com]

The same is true for guys, I've even heard women complain about being relegated to friends-only status... but I think none of them are crybabies enough to come up with a pseudo-scientific rationale for their lack of success.

And that's the difference between men and women.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

Well, here's my thought for you to chew on for awhile: The more you overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.

This is all overthinking the plumbing.

And Devi is right. It is about attraction, not friendship.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

I think Scotty said that in Star Trek 3.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

Yup. I loved that line, as you can probably tell.

And the tubby mustachioed bastard was right, wasn't he? He kept it simple and just did it. And the Enterprise headed out to find Spock and the Exelsior (sp?) got towed back home.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

Excelsior.

I can spell that because there were Excelsior Cafe's all over Tokyo, and they rip off everything Starbucks has, from the logo, to the pretentious names for drink sizes, even to having two of them on the same corner, causing much confusion when you're trying to meet someone there.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

I'm with ya on pretentious drink size names: Venti? Fuck that! Call it a large!

And also yet another case of overthinking the plumbing...

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

Actually the sizes at Excelsior Cafe made a little more sense, even if they were spelled with Japanese letters. Short was a small, for example. I forget the other two.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

Had they been medium and large, you'd not have forgotten!

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

Maybe they were Medium and Tall, in which case they'd cancel themselves out, because at Starbucks, isn't Tall a Medium?

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That's exactly what's so fucked about the whole sizing system. I should make it my life's goal to force legislation that returns us to the halcyon days of small, medium and large.

Walk tall and say "I am a failure."

[underwhelm.livejournal.com]

Like any sociological model it might do an adequate job describing the dynamics of the way society generally operates, but it fails at getting to the underlying causes and simplifies what it describes to a fault.

The ladder theory is just a long-winded version of the 1-10 scoring system that's been around for ages. But only a fool would blame his inability to get laid (or achieve whatever his objective might be) on a representational model. As King Missile says, "you are the center of your universe […] therefore, anything that does not work out for you is all. your. fault."

[vyus.livejournal.com]

Option 5 works really well.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Does the ladder theory nerd also rant about women who want a boyfriend who's "nice like you"? That could fill volumes...

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

I think that might be in the "cuddle bitch" section. I only glossed over it to see if it was the same as the last time I read it, two years ago.