(no subject)

[unbibium]

It's been a while, and there's been a little churn in my friends list. So, who wants to sanity-check my personal ad?

Comments

[jonathankaplan.livejournal.com]

The Spades reference seemed a little off-putting to me.
Maybe just a bit too arrogant...

You read well, you should get responses from this ad, I think.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

You mustmustmust lose the reference to TiVo, and probably Mario. I'd recommend some new photos. The first one makes you look a bit unbalanced, and you look a bit too cherubic in the second. Might I recommend an Aussie bush hat? I could definitely see you in one of those. Lose the Spades reference (mostly because it implies that you're digging deep to find something you're good at).

The tendency with these things -and I'm not just talking about you- is to go on too long. Three sentences, tops, for each one.

Here's something that might make it more fun. Use this answer about the albinism: "Yes, I am, and I'd be glad to answer your questions. I'll even share my SPF-500 sunblock with you."

You know, I might fill one of these out as if I were single and post it here in my LJ. Just a bit of writing fun.

[kerri9494.livejournal.com]

ok...when you write things for other people to read, consider what they might enjoy reading. when you just mention things that make you sound *different*, it makes others uncomfortable. if you consider how your interests intersect with things that others can identify with, or even mention them, rather than just being self-absorbed, you're more likely to get the interest of normal people. (from my wii)

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

I disagree with "lose the Mario and TiVo bits." I agree with rewriting or just tossing the Spades bit. I also agree that you need new photos; i generally don't care for posed photos (especially when it comes to me), so if you can find a photo of you where you're smiling at a joke or something spontanous like that, that would be best.

Kerri's point about finding normal people is good, but that assumes you're looking for normal people.

[mezdeathhead.livejournal.com]

I agree with Rone. Keep Mario alive, change the photos. Something a little less sanitized looking.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

Because of the comment below, I'll explain the Mario/TiVo suggestion. Both those tidbits are going to whittle your number of responses astronomically. Those that answer despite them will likely be more compatible with you, but I'd advise you to keep the net wide as possible in the beginning.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

OK. So I shall turn down the geek, and the length of answers. And I do need a more current photogram.

Incidentally, my inspiration for this post is a woman on my flist who is getting ready to post to Craigslist, and wrote a gigantic laundry-list-style ad.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

I'm more inclined to listen to atillathehung because he's the single happiest person I know, so I'll shed the Mario/TiVo bits anyway.

But everyone hates the Spades thing. And to be honest, it was written a long time ago, and I've played Spades since then and sucked out loud, so it really needs to go.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

I replaced TiVo with "relaxing" and Mario with nothing. Thus avoiding the gamer stereotype.

[kerri9494.livejournal.com]

I'm happy. And a gurl. Not that that makes me an authority or anything.

But you seem to complain that the only women you meet are weirdo freaky freaks. So I assumed you were going for something a bit more -- I don't know. Conventional? Maybe I'm wrong. But mentioning Mario and Spades and nerdy stuff (TiVo's ok, cuz that's more 'techy' than 'nerdy'...I mean, David Letterman talks about it) makes you seem like a) you like that stuff (fine), but also 2) you expect someone who's interested in you to know/care about them. Usually in ads like this, I think people talk about two kinds of things, the things that are VERY important to them, *and* the things that will show them in a good light to potential suitors.

I guess I'll go be miserable now. :-)

[kerri9494.livejournal.com]

Oh and also? OK, "a steady job" sounds like you might be a manager at Radio Shack. :-) How about just "a career"?

"a handful of friends" could be "a handful of good friends" or "a handful of close friends" (if either of those is true).

Lose "both spoken and programming".

Take out half of the article "I"s in the prose.

"Yes, I am, and I actually enjoy answering questions about it. I've lived in Arizona all my life, but since I've become an adult, I've learned the power of sunscreen, so I never get sunburns anymore. (Added benefit: I can show you where to get some good SPF-70.)"

Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm guessing most gals who'd make your short list wouldn't actually be huge fans of Hunt for Red October or submarines. Maybe Sean Connery, if you're looking for a gal older than 40. The rest of your movie list is actually really good, though.

Got any other books to list? Like, maybe some non-fiction about current events, or something? You do like to cook, but you don't mention anything here...how about a cookbook?

You should message me if -- you might want to add something about biking (you do that a lot, right?), something about rolling sushi? "You want to hear the story about the kitchen and the fire extinguisher".... or something otherwise humorous or that might pique interest in finding out the rest of the story.

[atillathehung.livejournal.com]

All good stuff, too. Yes.

[pentomino.livejournal.com]

ah, I'll have to make a weekend out of this...

slight disagreement

[vardissakheli.livejournal.com]

I think the idea of asking where the bathroom is in a programming language is pretty damn funny, and I wouldn't change a word in the albino paragraph (and certainly not remove "your"!). "Since I've become an adult"? I don't think he's looking for girls who are looking for Saint Paul! In fact, now that I've put it that way, that seems like pretty much the kind of weirdo freaky freak I met with him.

But yes, definitely "career" over "job." And sushi-rolling would go perfectly together with Atkins-hating--maybe "if you'd rather roll sushi than count carbs."

Also, it just struck me that a whiter-than-white person saying two of the most important things in the world are Germany and Japan might not be the greatest idea. Talk about attracting weirdo freaky freaks!