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I'm starting to re-examine one of my other assumptions in my moral code. That being, that if you tell a lie, you can live with yourself as long as it's so ridiculously transparent that anyone who believes it is obviously just playing along. I figured this was how it worked when any husband gave any wife any excuse for going to the nudie bar. And it's no doubt the motivation behind the polite answers to "what do you like in a member of the opposite sex?"
It also implies that all that new age stuff they do in Sedona is all kosher, because everyone knows that the shamans aren't even one-eighth Native American, that there's no such thing as a vortex, and so forth. So if someone wants to charge thousands of dollars to communicate telepathically with the ghosts of dinosaurs, and someone pays them, then they're all playing a harmless game.
Change the city to Las Vegas, and change dinosaur seance to Blackjack.
Mortgage crisis? Blame the people who bought houses they couldn't afford.
But I learned today that President Bush has no intention of retiring to his Crawford "ranch", and in fact only bought it in 1999, and I was genuinely, if mildly, surprised. I knew the Texas thing was an act; I think on some level everyone did. But nobody ever questioned the Crawford thing, even if some of us made fun of the brush-clearing.
Last Spring I had a crush on someone. I hadn't had a real date in a long time, so I thought to myself, and told my trusted friends, that all I wanted was to invite her to my apartment to watch some DVDs. She's just a friend; she's made it ultra-clear to me, so it's not like I'm expecting anything. I'll admit, it might help my confidence a little bit if the evening went well, without any major faux pas, then I'll be able to invite a woman over for a real date someday. And if she happens to come over on a day when I'm cooking something really impressive, well, that's just being friendly. And she doesn't need to know that this evening perfectly matches the template under which I got into a woman's pants for the first time. But, to prove my intentions are pure, I'll sit on the couch and she can pick whether to join me on the big fluffy EKTORP couch or sit on the more-comfy-than-it-looks POÄNG armchair. That's the ticket.
So I invited, and she declined. And I think I now realize why I feared rejection. Being turned down doesn't mean that she didn't like me the whole time, and I just discovered the truth. Rather, it meant that she lost respect for me. She didn't call me out on it privately, but information wants to be free, and we had friends in common, who I noticed lost respect for me.
The one who lies always bears the moral fault. People shouldn't lie.
I suppose if I were truly an honest person, the next time I'm talking to a woman and notice my IQ start to drop, I should tell her immediately that my IQ has started to drop. And if it doesn't pass, then I should tell her that she's too pick-an-adjective for me to be just friends with, and that if I've failed to make her feel the same way about me by that point, then I never will, because I'm now tainted with intent.
It also implies that all that new age stuff they do in Sedona is all kosher, because everyone knows that the shamans aren't even one-eighth Native American, that there's no such thing as a vortex, and so forth. So if someone wants to charge thousands of dollars to communicate telepathically with the ghosts of dinosaurs, and someone pays them, then they're all playing a harmless game.
Change the city to Las Vegas, and change dinosaur seance to Blackjack.
Mortgage crisis? Blame the people who bought houses they couldn't afford.
But I learned today that President Bush has no intention of retiring to his Crawford "ranch", and in fact only bought it in 1999, and I was genuinely, if mildly, surprised. I knew the Texas thing was an act; I think on some level everyone did. But nobody ever questioned the Crawford thing, even if some of us made fun of the brush-clearing.
Last Spring I had a crush on someone. I hadn't had a real date in a long time, so I thought to myself, and told my trusted friends, that all I wanted was to invite her to my apartment to watch some DVDs. She's just a friend; she's made it ultra-clear to me, so it's not like I'm expecting anything. I'll admit, it might help my confidence a little bit if the evening went well, without any major faux pas, then I'll be able to invite a woman over for a real date someday. And if she happens to come over on a day when I'm cooking something really impressive, well, that's just being friendly. And she doesn't need to know that this evening perfectly matches the template under which I got into a woman's pants for the first time. But, to prove my intentions are pure, I'll sit on the couch and she can pick whether to join me on the big fluffy EKTORP couch or sit on the more-comfy-than-it-looks POÄNG armchair. That's the ticket.
So I invited, and she declined. And I think I now realize why I feared rejection. Being turned down doesn't mean that she didn't like me the whole time, and I just discovered the truth. Rather, it meant that she lost respect for me. She didn't call me out on it privately, but information wants to be free, and we had friends in common, who I noticed lost respect for me.
The one who lies always bears the moral fault. People shouldn't lie.
I suppose if I were truly an honest person, the next time I'm talking to a woman and notice my IQ start to drop, I should tell her immediately that my IQ has started to drop. And if it doesn't pass, then I should tell her that she's too pick-an-adjective for me to be just friends with, and that if I've failed to make her feel the same way about me by that point, then I never will, because I'm now tainted with intent.
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Hey, I'm not a drummer, you know!
It is possible to adapt the second one into a workable line. The problem with that is it might be recognized by an astute woman as a pre-packaged line.
One of the most effective things I've ever found is commenting on a book someone is reading or a piece of jewelry. I have a real eye for jewelry, so that usually opens up a good talk. Of course, these days, it's actually all just interest in the jewelry and some conversation!
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If I see someone and don't approach, I forget about it in five minutes. If I see someone and do approach, and nothing comes of it, I forget about it in an hour. If I see someone, and talk to her for a while, and she seems nice, I think about her for a day or two. If I see someone, and talk to her for a while, and we get along and I'm really into her... well, I've been lucky, and that hasn't happened since the summer. You may have read about it. (http://pentomino.livejournal.com/1261086.html) So I think you're both right, honesty can be a bit too brutal.
Not that that was the last woman I've mingled with, of course. I met one on OKCupid who came in from Tucson to meet me for a couple of days in October. I showed her downtown Tempe, I made some food, and we played some video games. We got along great, gave each other backrubs, but I just wasn't attracted to her, so we didn't go further. So she crashed on the couch, and the next morning, we played some video games the next morning and fed the ducks. I'm a little proud of myself for having gotten someone to come over, but for once I feel like I've disappointed her, the same way out-of-town women I've flown to have disappointed me. You know how online dating can go.
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(I don't have any actual advice, since I suck at this stuff.)