REVISED POLL

[unbibium]

OK, I meant to get rid of that "Negotiate on a case-by-case basis" because I knew that would be a cop-out, and certainly if someone decides to state their terms, that can take precedence over habit.

But, suppose it doesn't come up in conversation. Certainly you won't ask whether you're allowed to see anyone else after the first date, at the very least. I'm trying to get a feel for what you think the social norm is, in your own social circles.

Don't be shy; results are viewable only to me; your girlfriend or wife won't find out if you saw someone else between your first and second dates.

[Poll #1025209]

Comments

[mmcirvin.livejournal.com]

I have no idea how to answer this question, since the answer is so culturally specific. It didn't really come up with Sam and I started dating because, frankly, neither of us had anything else serious going on at the time. We seemed to consider ourselves An Item pretty early on.

I think the short-term-serial-monogamy situation davetheinverted mentioned has been the norm for high-school and college students since at least the 1980s. It was confusing when I was a kid, because layered over that many people still had this ghostly vision of 1940s-1960s dating norms, in which you were supposed to date lots of people nonexclusively and "going steady" was a big serious step, that didn't really apply any more--and when you get a date for an event, like a dance or a wedding, that older idea of nonexclusive dating might still apply to some extent.

I think something like it also applies to older, adult singles actively looking for long-term partners, especially if they use dating services; they may go on lots of dates that are treated almost like a job interview process. I never really did this and it sounds profoundly dreary to me, but it seems to be common among post-30 unhitched professionals in large cities. As for when you're exclusively hitched, I think that is probably going to depend enormously on the local culture; there are people for whom sexual skill/compatibility is extremely important who may well treat sexual intercourse as just another part of the trial process, and there are other people who won't.