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i interviewed at the 3300 tower today. It was like a proper grown-up office-type place.

My confidence is kind of eroding here... I have an interview on Wednesday for a position at ASU, but judging from all the preparation they want from me, I think I might be underqualified.

maybe i should find some more junior positions...
unbibium: (animated pacman)
Coming to the arts district in central Phoenix is like a miniature vacation to Seattle. There's a little coffee place I always go to, and they're in the middle of widening the sidewalks, and I run into old friends sometimes. I feel human again when I'm down here.

That doesn't mean I'm completely immune to cognitive black holes when I'm down here. Normally I use the change of setting to get bits of actual work done. Today I have an internal distraction that I need to clear up first...
unbibium: (animated pacman)
This morning I went to Songbird in downtown Phoenix again. I filled out my unemployment form for the week and went through a few chapters of a node.js book.

I was expecting to see Elizabeth there and have I've her homemade waffles but neither were there, so I just had tea.

There was a young woman there at my table who I didn't talk to, and that was kind of the right call because she was waiting for her family. I overheard she was 20 and studying in Seattle abd talked about Battlestar Galactica but got character names wrong.

Another woman came by and ordered the same kind if tea I did and sat at my table. I remarked that she got the same tea as I did, abd was using the same laptop. We made a little small talk. It was refreshing.

then I went to Short Leash having chicken and waffles. I made some more small talk with an elderly couple. I wrote most of this down after my food arrived, so I wouldn't forget I had a good morning.

unfortunately this all cost money. Not a lot of money, but more than I'd have spent if I'd just stayed home. But the isolation was getting to be too much, especially with all the noise in the neighborhood last night.
unbibium: (animated pacman)
I think I mismanaged yesterday. If I had checked FB and Twitter at the appropriate time, I could have met up with people I knew nearby. I also could have made my way to my family's house to bake cookies, or maybe gotten a ride to a friend's family's cookie day...

People at my old workplace are now going on winter break. I caught word on Facebook that two of them are working on a game together. Because that's what you do when you're not depressed: you have ideas for things to do and then you do them. There's no looming sense of inadequacy or unwelcomeness.
unbibium: (animated pacman)
did a lot of dreaming. Did a lot of thinking while dreaming.

In fact, I pondered the nature of consciousness while I was unconscious.

I grieved for lost friends. So many lost friends.
unbibium: (animated pacman)
this morning I spent a lot of time going through paperwork and making sure my COBRA premiums are paid, trying to squeeze the last drop out of my FSA, and filing an unclaimed property form with the AZ Department of Revenue.

COBRA premiums are brutal and make me want to cockpunch every pundit who went on TV who called Obamacare "socialism". I might get on AHCCCS instead for January but maybe I'll get hired by then?
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The job interview went well. Just my luck I'll get the job with the 71-minute commute.

ASU called me back for another one but I don't think it's much of a fit...

should call Larry and ask what the deal is with Limelight...
unbibium: (animated pacman)
well, my next interview is at a place that will take me 71 minutes to get to by bus, including a half-mile walk from the bus stop. And the amount of bravery it would take for me to hold out for a Tempe job has increased, because if I get an offer and turn it down I have to tell the unemployment people I turned down work. what have I done?
unbibium: (animated pacman)
Yesterday I spent the afternoon on Roosevelt Row, to see what it looked like during the day without the crowds. Outside, it was a wasteland, with undeveloped spaces and sidewalk construction everywhere. Inside, it was like Seattle, with little laid back places to grab coffee and buy records. It felt good out there.

Today I spent the afternoon on my first hashing event in months. I got lost at a part of the trail that was near my house, so I went home and had a sandwich to recharge... but I had to go back to the start of the trail because I had left my phone there to charge.

I think I perhaps should have written about yesterday earlier, so I could remember why exactly I felt so good. Probably had something to do with 1990s nostalgia. Meta-nostalgia, even, since I remember ten years ago I got into the habit of going to Arizona Mills to have a cup of coffee, listen to tech podcasts, and try to rekindle my hope for the future.
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I went to karaoke at The Vine tonight, and remembered the importance of perspective.

After getting pulled into conversations with random drinky strangers, suddenly I feel a lot less self-conscious about my own awkward behavior.

There was one guy who wanted me to sit down at his empty table, seemed desperate for company. I hope he found it; I was trying to keep my own tenuous group together at the time.

There was another guy who asked one innocent question about my albinism and then spent the next ten minutes apologizing and I couldn't stop him. He had the FBI agent method of breaking the ice: asking forceful "what's your favorite X" questions. His wife was a little more sober and both of us tried to explain the video game Burgertime to him.

That same guy also tried to get us all in on a "game" where we wrote random phrases down on napkins and had to improvise a story about it. Guess what, the story started about a guy on Mill Avenue with a 19-year-old co-ed, and all the napkins had sexual positions written on them, except mine and whoever had the red pen. The red pen wrote "Hitler's dog" and "Gay Marijuana", and I wrote "not a single fuck was given that day", "Rainbow Dash", and "Fluttershy", the first two of each were played before everyone got bored and gave up.

I got two songs in. I butchered a Boston song that I never rehearsed. I did a pretty good job on a Black Sabbath song that I had sung before.

so, yeah, measured against The Vine's crowd, the behavioral bar is set pretty low.

I'm still nervous about my daytime behavior at the job I have yet to find.
unbibium: (animated pacman)
ok, this is weird.... I need to rebuild my resume from scratch, and all I have to do is copy and paste bits of it from my LinkedIn profile, I suppose.... but copy and paste it into what?  I don't own a copy of MS Word anymore... so I have to go download OpenOffice I suppose...
unbibium: (animated pacman)
Well, the corporate overlords have been very generous.

But the challenge still exists to build momentum back up, and keep it... so, goals:

  1. Return that call to SMCI

  2. Learn just enough angular.js to know what the big deal is.

  3. Get my PDF résümȩ́̄ straightened out.

  4. Come up with enough goals to fill up the rest of the week

  5. Come up with a reason to put on pants every day through Friday.

unbibium: (animated pacman)
Phoenix Comicon time starting today.

But first, I'll take advantage of having the morning off, and wash my sheets and record that video of the BASIC interpreter so I can edit it and put it on YouTube.
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Do I chill out at Skeptics in the Pub tonight? Or do I instead go to the party nearby that's way too wild for me but probably adventurous? Or do I try to do BOTH? Or do I just stay home and out of everyone's way...

I'm not so sure people are glad to see me when I show up...
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How much did I tune out and drop out during my five-day weekend?

I missed Skeptics in the Pub last Thursday.  and I couldn't even be arsed to tune into Penn's Sunday School yesterday.

I had a rather jam-packed Fourth of July, though, starting with a morning at the casino with the extended family, a midday movie at Christown where I also got my watch band replaced, an afternoon barbecue with the Reddit folks at Encanto Park, and fireworks in downtown Tempe.

Thursday I just derped completely.  I usually go to Sleepy Dog on the first Thursday of the month for Skeptics in the Pub and have a great time, but somehow I forgot completely.

Friday, I pushed myself out of the house to do some random things.  I went to Casey Moore's and hung out, and even talked to some people.  I asked the bartenders if they saw that lady in the dragon costume again, but nobody remembered.  I bought a SNES clone at Zia, and a bag of giant marshmallows at Food City so that I could shame spiral the rest of the weekend.

Saturday, I had lunch at Cornish Pasty Company because an out-of-town redditor was visiting for the weekend.  I had an OK time but retracted into my shell after an hour or two, and went home.

Sunday was another big derp day, but I did vacuum my living room and tidy up slightly.

this weekend I would be on vacation if I were still the kind of person to plan ahead.  There's a NOAH conference in St Louis, and The Amazing Meeting in Vegas.
unbibium: (Default)
  • lunch with coworkers at a peruvian place. there was check confusion.  i should go there for  aproper dinner one of these days, but I've spent so much on restaurants this week.
  • solved a problem at work that I thought would be impossible
  • leftovers for dinner!
  • meetup at papago brewery followed by some improv by JesterZ.
  • got home, mopped the floor somewhat ineffectively with that Magicloth mop, and troubleshot a problem with my cable connection -- it turns out the tuning adapter was unplugged.
that's about it.
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the medicine made me chatty, but not in that I was talking to people and had good things to say and attentive, but that the random bullshit thoughts in my head would be spoken, even when they were just swears of frustration, or the contents of a sign I was looking at, or the path I was walking from the light rail to the convention center.

I saw Shatner speak.  It was drastically different from Nimoy's appearance last year, in which he gave a one-hour autobiography, accompanied by a slideshow.  Shatner's talk was almost entirely a Q&A, in much the style of Kevin Smith, in that a simple question often resulted in some light ball-busting of the asker, followed by a long, tangential, and profound story.

After that, the cast of Eureka had a panel, and that was good too but I kind of nodded off a bit near the end.  I confess, I have skipped a season or two of that.

About 45 minutes before Rocky Horror started, I found a katamari of bronies walking down Washington Avenue singing songs from the show.  I had the idea to try and promote Rocky Horror to them.  It didn't seem to work, because the fandoms have little in common besides an acceptance of gender dysmorphic tendencies.  But I was looking forward to seeing how the Rocky fans contended with it.  If cruelty were my aim, I would have tracked down the pack of furries I saw this morning, and invited them. 

PJ snd Brooklyn were there, as they were yesterday... no costume this time, so harder to find.

met more redditors too... after Rocky, though, I had little to do but follow people around and watch them relate to each other, while I was in full shell mode.  so I went home.  I probably should have stayed and gotten drunk.  For some reason, I was afraid to.
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Yesterday I went to Tempe Marketplace with no clear goal in mind. Traffic was horrendous. I thought I'd been to malls during December, but I'd never seen rent-a-cops directing traffic before. But then, Metrocenter had wider streets winding through its parking lots. In any case, I should have rode my bike, but instead I was on the Earth circulator, stuck in a left-turn lane for about 20 minutes as a fat guy snored at random volumes.

The Dave & Busters has a Pac-Man Battle Royale machine, but it's one of those deals where all the players sit down in a row, as though a crowd should be permitted to gather behind them. A crowd never did; the place is too full of big flashy distractions already. The atmosphere wasn't like at Ground Kontrol in Portland, where there was always someone playing, and any stranger could feel comfortable in joining with other strangers. But then, the players were all adults at Ground Kontrol. By contrast, if three kids are playing, and some lone adult in a hat sits at the fourth controller, they finish their turn and leave. I did run into a friend from reddit that was leaving D&B's and he gave me his card.

To avoid this on the way out, I walked to the nearest stop outside the marketplace. Unfortunately, this was two miles away, after I'd been on my feet for six hours. I left empty-handed except for some leftover chips from Chipotle, after six hours. Didn't even see a movie. I did get a haircut though, and hit the Fry's for some milk on the way home.

that night, if I weren't so tired, I would have biked around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. I've been doing all my running during the day, and haven't seen most of them. I won't get a chance tonight, since I'm likely to be staying at my parents' house. and tomorrow night may be dodgy, since I plan to be watching Doctor Who somewhere else on my way home.
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Tonight [livejournal.com profile] tamtrible called and asked if she should drop off the light mayonnaise I lent her for her party last weekend, before her week-long trip to Tucson. I did and told her I could also loan her that Mitch Hedberg CD I'd recommended a few months ago.

Then [livejournal.com profile] justinsane announced on FB that he was seeing Hugo 3D at AZ Mills this weekend. I suddenly remembered that I wanted to see it, and AZ Mills is right off I-10, so I asked if she could drop me off at the theater, and she agreed, provided she got to run a few errands first.

During those errands, I played the Hedberg CD and somehow it wasn't as funny as I remember it. A lot of unprofessional vamping at the start of the CD, and a lot of non-starter jokes. The CD I picked was clearly for people who had already seen him do a clean five minutes on cable a few times, or seen a well-edited comedy special, or seen him live.

anyway, once I got dropped off, further adding to my embarrassment, I realized I had no cash and no debit card. So I had to call Melissa and have her double back and loan me $12 so I could get into the theater, find my friends, and get a ride home with one of them.

And then after I saw the movie, I realized that what I should have done was invite her to come see Hugo 3D, because it seems like precisely her kind of movie.
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* a bit of housework
* went to happy hour with the coworkers. first to Loco Patron and then to Giligin's for karaoke. I had fun but I have a feeling I haven't made sense of what happened. When I do, I'll post again.
* ran some errands with Mom, had lunch at Subway
* made some curried rice for dinner
* I'm feeling weird and sluggish right now. maybe I should have some coffee.

one of those errands was I sent my macbook into the shop to see what I could get for it for trade-in. not sure.


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April 2017



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