unbibium: (cartman ROFL)
Things that are funnier on a hacked road sign than "ZOMBIES AHEAD".

1. "HOW DID THIS GET HERE?" "I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER"
2. STARTING MONDAY, DRIVE ON LEFT SIDE
3. HONK AT A COP, WIN $500
4. WARNING: BANK BAILOUTS
5. WARNING: HOOKERS IN THIS AREA ARE MOSTLY DUDES.
6. MARTIAL LAW. CURFEW 6PM
7. NOW ENTERING FRANCE
8. STAR TREK IS REAL
9. YOUR BLOOD-ALCOHOL LEVEL IS: .12
unbibium: (Default)
Monty Python has an official YouTube channel, following the lead of the Royal Family. Both of them have better-designed themes than Rick Astley's.

So I give you the opportunity to take a break and watch the superhero adventure, Bicycle Repair Man.

And for those of you who have already seen that one a few dozen times, here's a slightly rarer one, from their Hollywood Bowl appearance in 1980: Michelangelo and the Pope.
unbibium: (Default)
Once again, the best news source: the Doo-Dah News Ticker. Now more than ever during election seasno.

unbibium: (cartman_rofl)
America can, will must, and should blow up the moon. (Edit: that's Sarah Silverman int he thumbnail, though her part is minor.)

unbibium: (Default)


Who's got your, uh, favorable opinion?
unbibium: (Default)
Your news ticket for headlines that can be sung to the tune of Camptown Races.

unbibium: (Default)
Today's XKCD has put forth the Standard Creepiness Rule: Don't Date Under (Age/2)+7.

Has anyone here violated this rule?

It certainly doesn't look symmetrical, but since it doesn't define an upper bound, it doesn't have to be.

And incidentally, who pioneered chart-based humor: XKCD or Demetri Martin?
unbibium: (Default)
Kevin Pollak and Margaret Cho have parts in The Lost Room. During my most recent viewing of it, I realised that if I were the director of a movie with either of them in it, I would make Kevin Pollak do one extra take of every scene as William Shatner, and make Margaret Cho do one extra take as her mother.

Somewhere, I imagine there's an entire cut of The Truman Show starring Fire Marshall Bill.

But long before I thought about doing this to a comedian-turned-actor, I've wanted to see Brad Pitt explain the rules of Fight Club, in the voice of the indecipherable traveler character he played in Snatch. And then win a fight with one punch.

sopranos

Jun. 14th, 2007 10:38 pm
unbibium: (Default)
I liked the ending. Want to know how I would have improved it? Read more... )
unbibium: (Default)
How many of this commercial are out there?

A: "Why are you late?"

B: "Oh, I was enjoying a Mundane Product with a Cheap Promotional Feature, when suddenly something Legitimately Improbable happened!"

A: "I am most skeptical of the proposition that Mundane Product has a Cheap Promotional Feature."
unbibium: (Default)
Date Nite!  In which Marzipan has a date... with The Cheat!
unbibium: (Default)
I watched that video, and on the right side of the screen one of the "Related Videos" was the VW GTI ad with the wrecking ball.

There are two more ads describing how a nihilist can un-pimp an auto: "Catapult" and "Crate!".  VEE DUB!  Representin' Deutschland!

Also, discovering Penn Jillette's radio show led me to the trailer for Penn & Teller's video game, "Smoke and Mirrors", complete with the desert bus simulator. You can download the game via BitTorrent, but you'll need a Sega CD or emulator thereof.
unbibium: (Default)
Check it out! SMB3 bloopers! My favorite's 7: "The Fucking Fish". THAT FUCKING FISH!!!
unbibium: (Default)
And now for something completely different.

A man with an iPod up his nose.
unbibium: (Default)
I went to see "The Aristocrats". (Update: To hear the joke, a good introduction is the South Park version.)

This was the second movie I've seen at Valley Art that defined the term "rusty trombone" for me. But this time it was Andy Dick explaining it.

Oddly enough, it seems two of the best audience reactions were solicited by a mime and Bob Saget.

George Carlin gets great "less is more" points; he puts all his effort into the description and none into the adrenaline. Gilbert Gottfried at the Hef roast, on the other hand, used a rather typical but lengthy and well-worn description, but his delivery gives it an unprecedented sense of urgency.

I don't know if I have the verbal stamina to tell it well, but if I ever end up telling it, I'm going to make sure to give it the Drew Carey snap.

And deadbeat hero Doug Stanhope makes a brief appearance, telling the joke to a baby -- an idea that famous former talk-show sidekick Andy Richter also had apparently.
unbibium: (Default)
As I gather it, a large portion of Lily Tomlin's career as a comedienne seems to have revolved around the telephone company.

Once, I heard a clip of her talking about how you could get back at them, back in the days where they'd send you delicate punched cards to mail back. She detailed a process of soaking and drying them such that the card would appear to humans as it did before, but the holes were slightly bigger.

I wonder if she's ever read 2600 Magazine, or Phrack. I wonder if she knows they exist.
unbibium: (Default)
BoingBoing linked to this Japanese site that sells watermelons as "Godzilla eggs". But they didn't mention that if you scroll down, there's something even cooler: a watermelon painted black, with a fuse attached.
unbibium: (Default)
From a BASIC listing of "Wizard's Castle", 1980, from Recreational Computing magazine:

1585 PRINT "WHICH SEX TO YOU PREFER";
1590 GOSUB 5415
1595 IF O$="M" THEN SX=1 : GOTO 1615
1600 IF O$="F" GOTO 1615
1605 PRINT "** CUTE ";R$(RC);", REAL CUTE. TRY M OR F."
1610 GOTO 1585

5110 PRINT "ARE YOU FOOLISH ENOUGH TO WANT TO PLAY AGAIN";
5115 GOSUB 5415
5120 PRINT
5125 IF O$ <> "Y" GOTO 5155
5130 PRINT "SOME ";R$(RC);"S NEVER LEARN!"
5135 PRINT
5140 PRINT "PLEASE BE PATIENT WHILE THE CASTLE IS RESTOCKED."
5145 PRINT
5150 GOTO 1105
5155 IF O$ <> "N" THEN PRINT Y$ : GOTO 5110
5160 PRINT "MAYBE DUMB ";R$(RC);" IS NOT SO DUMB AFTER ALL!"
5165 PRINT
5170 GOTO 5580
The listing is nearly a thousand lines of code. I'd forgotten how hard it is to read code where code sections have no names, only line numbers.
unbibium: (Default)
Comedian Patton Oswalt's first CD contains a rather cheap track called "facts about midgets":
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. Did you know that? 40 glittering gold coins, you can take to the market and buy a fine fat goose for your goodly wife. [...] But here's the thing: be careful, because if you lose a fight to a midget, you become one. Did you know that? It's true, at the beginning of time there was one midget, everyone was like "Come on, motherfucker!" And now look around, they're everywhere.
They're all rather cheap shots, but they painted such a vivid, mythological picture that they someone on the Wizards of the Coast message board responded by designing a creature called the Oswalt, based on the Fey.
Oswalt Transformation (Su): A Character reduced to -1 or fewer HP (Lethal or Nonlethal damage) by an Oswalt's attack contracts a potent curse. A cursed character must make a DC 16 Fortitude save, or be transformed permanently into an Oswalt. They retain their memories, but not their hit dice, skills, or class features. Their Alignment changes to Chaotic Evil (assuming it wasn't already).
I wonder whether I should petition him to write some facts about albinos. If you give an albino oral sex, you lose five pounds. Something like that. Better not press my luck though.

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